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Hi
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Hi, thanks for replying. It's kind of difficult to share what I'm feeling and thinking thru' this forum.
Juz came back from the University Health Service in NUS. Went to see my shrink and he prescribed some anti-depressent. But I'm thinking of seeing a christian psychiatrist, it's juz that I dun noe where to look and I heard itz expensive. Major issues? Alot. I guess it started when I was 14. Found out that my Dad had an affair and it totally devastated me. I skipped school, not knowing why I did so and very soon I was fighting with my Dad. In JC, I skipped school for long periods until the principal wanted to kick me out. At that time, I had committed fornication and I felt worthless and condemned. I went my pastor to tell him about my sinful act but he was busy and told me to talk to God. I talked to God, so much so that I shut myself from the rest of the world and become anti-social. Didn't help since I was already showing signs of withdrawal and depression. In the army, I started off well. My commanders and men looked up to me and they respected me. But then one day, I juz decided to play truant again. I juz dun noe why I keep on doing this, keeping myself away from people and responsibilities. I was almost relief from command if not for the Lord's favor and mercy. However, I know that both my men and commanders had serious doubts on my ability to lead. I know that I had lost them. In NUS, there's not one semester where I would faithfully attend all lectures and tutorials. I'm frustrated and sad about the way I am. Attending lessons is such a simple thing and yet I failed to keep a good record. Last semester, my shrink certified me unfit and I took one whole semester off. I was very reluctant becos' that would mean that I'll graduate a semester later compared to my peers. When I got back to campus, some of my frens asked me what had happened to me. I couldn't answer. I've two mission trips this coming june. I'm the brainchild for both project. I received news yesterday from my reservist unit that my request for deferment was denied. As u can imagined, I was extremely upset. I even questioned my own abilities to lead the teams and wondered whether it's better for me not to go. But the trips mean a lot to me. At the same time, I don't think I can cope with the pressures in the army given my medical condition. I'm contemplating getting a downgrade or at least make known my depression to my unit. I seriously doubt I can take the stress, expectations and pressures as a commander. I'm rather confused now. Is God telling me not to go for the trips? But why now? Maybe I'm not spiritually prepared? But I've worked hard at the trips. I'm tired and I have no motivation to do anything. The shrink at NUS is not really interested in what I have to say. I guess that's as good as it gets since it's free. I really want to find someone professional, a christian doctor who would help me overcome and understand my problems. I'm tired but I'm afraid to fall asleep.
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Outline:
Have faith..maybe it is just a test... by a friend, 2001, Apr 06 
Help yourself by Eveline How, 2001, Apr 06 
Untitled by Someone who care, 2001, Apr 06
hello by ernie, 2001, Apr 06
SEE IF THIS BOOK CAN HELP YOU, 2001, Apr 06
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