Please help! I have no sexual desire for my own husband..
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Our marriage began unhealthy as I was pretending from the very beginning. We had sex before marriage and I ended up pregnant. We had been married for 15 years during which time there were many troubles: alcoholism (me) drug and alcohol abuse (both) bringing other sexual partners into our bed, affairs (mostly me, but him once too) and in the last year before I couldnt take it anymore we were shamefully involved in going to see strippers and husband involved in pornography on the net and then our mutual best friend became our newest bedroom quest. I fell deeply in love with him, and left my husband not just for him but because I knew that what I had with my husband was never really real for me and in the new love all my longings seemed to be fulfilled. After a year of separation God would not leave it be, I was desperate, suicidal, and still in love with another man, but knew God was calling me back to my husband (our children played a big part). So, here I am back and trying hard, but cry when it comes to love-making because there is just nothing there for me...I mean emotionally phisically spiritually and everyway...it just feels dead and tremendously sad to me..How can this ever be overcome? Do I just pretend? Do I just accept that sex will simply never be a joy in our relationship for me?..How do I let go and forget the one I truly connected with on a level too beautiful for words, yet it was wrong?..What can God do? I pray for true desire, I pray for true release from this marriage, I pray to be a new creature one that is awakened to intimate love-making with my husband, but still there is nothing. I am so sad, no one seems to be able to help. Do you have any ideas? Suggestions? Books that may help? Please God help me help us. Thank you for your replies.
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Untitled, 11/26/00 
Untitled, 11/17/00 
I feel sorry for you, 10/26/00
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