Food for thought...
Single, and unattractive??? (Anne)
Dear sisters, Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and needs in relationships. In return, I would like to share my personal experience, in the hope that it would be of some encouragement and insight to you. I am 30. When I was 22, I did not have a relationship and was not interested in one anyway. I was not even a Christian. But a little more than half a year later, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour. The congregation of the church that I went to at that time was relatively young. There were a number of good-looking and eligible bachelors there, but I was still not interested in a relationship. But I must add, for the record, that I am not ugly or dull. On the contrary, I am well-educated, friendly and pleasant-looking. The years went by and I did the things that new Christians are to do in order to grow in faith. I read the Bible, learnt to pray, went to cell group meetings, made good Christian friends of both sexes, attended courses and seminars ... etc. Along the way, I grew closer and closer to God. One aspect of God's personality began to stand out, i.e. God as my Heavenly Father. Then, one day, I read a book by Loren Cunningham, the founder of Youth With A Mission (YWAM), entitled "Is that really You, God?" In it, Mr Cunningham shared that he learnt that God, being Father, would always tell His children (i.e. us) the "big things" Himself. That God, being Father, would never ask another person to tell us these "big things" on His behalf. We, on our part as His children, would just have to seek and wait on Him for it. I pondered over this and realised that it was also true for me. There had been "big things" in my life that God, being Father, had told me first. By then, I was 27 and my parents were desperately trying to get me married off. They even wanted to arrange for dates with their friends' sons, which I politely and respectfully declined. Furthermore, many of my school and university friends were getting married. At their receptions and dinners, the question would be asked: "So, when is your turn?" I would always answer honestly, "I don't know." At the same time, because of the work of the Lord in my life, I began to understand that having a relationship is not just having a boyfriend and going out on wonderful dates. There is an investment of deep emotion in this type of relationship, and unless a person is ready for it and knows what she is in for, it may be a better idea not to start on one. After all, a failed relationship can and does leave rather deep scars that may take a long time to heal. So, like any child, I approached my Heavenly Father and asked Him for help. I said to Him: "If You think it is a good idea for me to be married, I would like to have a Christian man who fears You. He must love You more than he loves me, because then, he will learn how to love me as You love me. And he must be able to stand firm and not renounce You even under the threat of death." I knew, my request was unlike what most girls would ask for, but this was what I wanted. There was nothing else; no 10-point list. And I knew also, I could never pick out such a man on my own because my request concerned the man's heart. Only the Lord could see that, so I put to Him my request and trusted Him to meet it. A year passed, then another one. I was still single, and my parents became even more desperate. One day, I attended a marriage preparation talk by Selwyn Hughes. Mr Hughes said, "You are not ready for marriage until you are secure in your singlehood." To be secure in one's singlehood, he explained, meant finding one's significance, self-worth and security in Jesus Christ Himself. This was a big revelation. Although I had been a Christian for a number of years, there were still tiny areas of my life that were not fully submitted to Christ yet. Even if Christ is a whopping 99.99% Lord, He is not Lord at all. I submitted my life totally unto Christ as Lord and He made me secure in my singlehood. My parents, relatives, friends and even pastors were concerned for me, out of good intentions, but I was happy being who I am. I enjoyed my singlehood and did not feel lack. Then, it happened. A brother from church called me up one day and expressed his feelings for me. I was pleasantly surprised but not shocked ... because some months earlier, the Lord had said, "I have chosen for you." And it was not my appearance that this man had found attractive; it was the love of God flowing out through my life that drew Him. (This man and I served in the same ministry at church, and it often entailed a lot of back-breaking and sweaty work like scrubbing grimy floors and dirty toilets, etc. And he started to have feelings for me in that kind of circumstance). And the man, on his part, had had some really hard knocks in life to know how to fear and love the Lord with all his heart. But the focus of my sharing is not on the end-result, i.e. the answer that God finally gave me; but the whole process of submitting oneself to God and trusting Him for the outcome, fully believing that when one seeks first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, all these things (including a Godly and meaningful relationship) will be added unto her. And it is my hope and prayer that you, Anne and all reading, would do the same, i.e. seek the Lord first, making Him Lord of your lives, receiving His love and learning to fear and love Him in return. Walk in the ways of the Lord and learn to see relationships as the Lord sees them. Then, when the Lord blesses you, you will be able to handle it according to His ways. In Christ.... |
Messages
Outline:
thanks. , 11/13/00
Thannk you sister :) by Suz, 10/30/00
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