Rev 12:11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. (NIV)
We hope you are edified by these true stories... Please share with us your stories... All Glory and Honour to the LORD...
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Yes There Is Hope, Healing and True Joy In the Lord Jesus Christ
Hope for the homosexuals (John)
Two True Accounts:
Account1:
===========================
Friends,
There truly is hope for the homosexual who wants to be free of that
lifestyle. John Paulk is living proof.
Mark
********************************************************************
Taking Off the Mask
by John Paulk
My parents divorced when I was five. My dad took my sister and
me to a park, knelt down beside us, and told us good-bye. For the
rest of my childhood, I lived with a continuous insecurity that the
people I loved would always walk out of my life.
Around other boys, I felt terribly insecure and different. And
because I wasn't good in sports and was effeminate, they called me
names like fag, queer and sissy.
I started drinking alcohol when I was 14. I drank to numb the
pain inside and to escape from my feelings of self-hatred and
inadequacy. Then, when I was 15, a girl from school told me about
Jesus Christ while we were talking on the phone one day. I believed
everything she said about the Bible, and, after hanging up the
phone, I knelt down and asked Jesus to come into my life. I sought
him fervently after that, but since no one else in my family was a
Christian, I fell away after six months.
When I was a senior in high school, a friend took me to a gay
bar for the first time. A whole new world opened up to me. All the
attention I got from other men was overwhelming. I soon fell in love
with a guy named Curt. Our sexual relationship seemed so natural,
and I slipped into the gay lifestyle and let go of my childhood
dream of having a wife and family. But my relationship with Curt
began to deteriorate and we split up after a year.
Once again I lost someone who I thought would stay with me forever.
Our break-up was so hard on me that I dropped out of college and
moved back home with my mother.
My drinking increased, and I became so miserable that I tried to
take my life. Then, due to my poor self-image and lack of money, I
started working as a male prostitute. I'd be dropped off at a hotel
room and sell my body for $80 an hour. By the end of that summer, I
was emotionally burned out. I remember crying myself to sleep after
I came home from allowing myself to be sexually used all night.
Another significant event happened that summer. At a gay bar, I
saw a male friend dressed like a woman. His feminine appearance
looked so real. I was fascinated and one night he put makeup and a
wig on me. I was astonished to see a beautiful "woman" looking back
at me.
Over the next three years I threw everything into being the best
woman I could. I was proud to be a drag queen and even adopted the
name "Candi." Soon I became popular as a female impersonator, not
just locally but in neighboring states as well. But inside I still
hated myself. One night on the dance floor I said to God, "I know
you can help me--someday I'll come back to you."
In October 1985, my psychologist confronted me about my heavy
drinking. I began attending AA meetings. After six months of
sobriety, my head began to clear. One day I put all of my dresses,
high heels, wigs, jewelry and makeup into a cardboard box and threw
it into a dumpster. "Candi, I don't need you anymore. I'm saying
good-bye" I said. My drag friends tried to convince me that I'd be
back.
Very shortly after that, a college pastor from a nearby church
asked if he could talk to me. He came to my apartment and told me
about Jesus Christ. I stopped him after twenty minutes and said, "I
know all about the Gospel. I used to be a Christian when I was 15.
But I was born gay, so forget it!"
"No, you weren't," he answered. Then he read from Genesis 2:
"And God created man...male and female... And God saw all that he
had made, and behold, it was very good." The truth came shining
through. I was convinced that homosexuality was not something I was
born with or something I had to stay in. That week I dug out my
Bible and started to read it again. After wrestling with the
decision for days, I knelt down beside my bed. "Lord, I don't know
how to get out of homosexuality, but I will follow you. No matter
how difficult it gets, I'll never turn away from you again." It was
February 10, 1987. I had finally found someone who would never leave
me.
Something inside me was different now. At a gay AA meeting, the
topic of whether homosexuals go to heaven came up. "It doesn't
matter if you're gay or straight," I told them, "If we believe in
Jesus Christ we'll go to heaven." My friends were shocked. They'd
never heard me say such a thing before. Most of them I never heard
from again.
Over the next year, I struggled quite a bit. I had gotten rid of
all my homosexual paraphernalia and pornography, but I was terribly
afraid of rejection by straight men, even at my church. During that
time I found the name of a Christian ministry that reached out to
homosexuals. I contacted the ministry and eventually moved to the
town where it was located. As I was leaving, my mother said, "John,
you've worked hard to change your life this past year. I'm so proud
of you." "I only had Christ to lean on," I told her. "He did the
changing--not me."
With that Christian ministry's help, I discovered that my
concept of God was distorted. I had a difficult time accepting the
reality of his total love and acceptance. The concept of being loved
for just being me was totally incomprehensible. But God wanted to
change my identity as a man. He did, and over time I no longer
doubted his acceptance of me. I was also finally able to forgive my
parents for their emotional neglect and the ways I felt they
had rejected me.
My process out of homosexuality has been slow, but solid. My
male friendships have eventually grown to a place where I feel
secure in my masculinity and know who I am among other men. And at
some point, even though Christ had filled the empty places of my
heart, he also gave me the desire to have someone else there. In
1991 I fell in love with a beautiful, godly woman who had also come
from a homosexual background. We were married in 1992. I cried all
the way through our wedding vows, knowing Christ was fulfilling my
dream. God's transforming power was so evident during our wedding
that my mother and stepfather prayed to receive Jesus Christ that
night. In the past, I could never say, "I'm a man." But now I'm a
different person, a "new creature in Christ." I can be loved just
because I'm his.
In the past, there were many masks I hid behind to protect
myself from being hurt again. But now I see that they only stood in
the way of God's love reaching through to me. In Jesus Christ I've
found the love and acceptance I was looking for all along.
NO EASY WAY
If you're a person whose emotional and sexual attractions are
clearly towards people of the same sex, life is going to be tough,
no matter what. Consider the options:
You can pursue the gay lifestyle. For most people, this means
pursuing that person who will satisfy those deep inner longings--a
pursuit that never seems to end. For others, the pursuit turns very
sexual, and the other person becomes merely a warm body, a sexual
object who can ease the pain and longing temporarily, but who meets
no lasting need.
There is a second difficult road you can take: withdrawal. Knowing
that the gay life will not satisfy, or perhaps sensing that it is
somehow wrong, but believing that you have no other option, you can
withdraw. At best, you can deny your emotional and sexual feelings,
stay away from relationships that could cause you pain.
There is a third way, also difficult, that many have found--the way
of freedom and real change. Right now this might seem like the most
difficult option, even an impossible one. However, through a
relationship with God it is possible to experience a new life . . .
a genuinely changed life. God can free us from things in our lives
that we have absolutely no power to change on our own. He has
changed the lives of many homosexuals. Usually, it's not instantly,
not overnight, but steadily.
THE WAY OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY
Homosexuality is overcome by building a relationship with Jesus
Christ and letting him heal the underlying root issues. Our
deliverance comes from a person, rather than from a method.
Therefore, it is important that we build a relationship with God,
our Deliverer. We must know him better than we know those around us.
And in fact, for true deliverance, Christ must become the most
important person in our lives. How can we come to know Jesus Christ?
Agreement with God. To begin with, if you are seeking the truth, you
have already been touched by the Holy Spirit. One of the purposes of
the Holy Spirit is to bring conviction of sin.
The first message Christ gave was one of repentance. Through the
Holy Spirit, we have been given an awareness that homosexuality is
not pleasing to God (Leviticus 18:22; Romans 1:26; 1 Corinthians
6:9-11). So the first step is to agree with God that homosexual
activities are sin.
Receiving Jesus Christ. John 1:12 gives us the next step: "To all
who received him [Jesus Christ], to those who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God." In order for Jesus
to work in our lives, we must not only agree with him that
homosexuality is sin, but we must trust in him for the forgiveness
of all of our sins, including homosexuality.
The Bible says that, "God so loved the world that he gave his one
and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life" (John 3:16). Jesus Christ was crucified--nailed to
a cross until death--for our sins. He died in our place: "God made
him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become
the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21). When we trust in
Christ for the forgiveness of our sins, God looks upon us as if we'd
lived the same perfect life that Jesus lived. That's God's grace. No
matter what activities you've been involved in, God offers you his
forgiveness.
After receiving Christ, we enter into a love relationship with
him...the God of the universe. This is an eternal relationship and
we no longer have to worry and wonder how we are going to know him--
he will reveal himself to us daily in many ways. We are now his
child.
A New Life. Upon receiving Christ, God says that we become a new
creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). He changes us on the inside and gives
us new desires. We find ourselves making decisions to live a more
upright life. We experience a new freedom to say "no," with a
motivation to please God. Satisfying our sexual urges becomes
secondary. God brings new priorities into our life--living
according to the truth, living with self-respect, living with
greater concern for others' welfare, living a less self-centered
life.
Also, God gives us a peace we never had before. This doesn't mean a
"rose garden" from God or from the world. We will pass through many
struggles and the change may come painfully at times and may be very
gradual. However, we are not struggling alone. In the midst of our
troubles, we have the peace of Christ in our hearts.
This peace is something the world knows nothing about--only someone
who belongs to Christ can know the comfort of his peace. Through
Christ living within us, we become adequate for any trial. He asks
that we give all of our anxiety over to him, because he cares for us
(1 Peter 5:7).
Submission to Christ. In spite of the change God will bring in our
life, we still have a will that often will want to slip back into
our "pre-Christ" ways. Therefore, the height of victory over
homosexuality is directly related to our willingness to submit
ourselves completely to God.
To experience the most abundant life, we must relinquish all control
of our life to God's love and power. Our own plans and desires must
come second to God's plans and desires for us. To come out of
homosexuality, we must be submitted to Jesus Christ as our Lord, and
we must do this on a daily basis.
Many people, after a length of time, believe that they are
sufficiently out of homosexuality to once again take control of
their life. This is a serious error--the commitment we make to
Christ is for life. When we take back control of our life, we ask
for trouble. The results can often be disastrous.
Role of the Church. Once we enter into a relationship with Christ,
we become part of his body, the church. As part of a body of many
members, we are interdependent with others. That means attending a
church. Admittedly, many people have had painful experiences with
the church, yet we must be involved in the lives of others, and
allow others to be involved in our life, in order to grow.
No body of believers will be perfect and there will be things that
we don't like. Still, we must join a church and become a productive
part of that body of people. Therefore, contact an ex-gay ministry
who can suggest a good church in your area.
Christ speaks to us in many ways, including through his Word (the
Bible) and through others who know him. If we are not involved in a
church, we will be missing many messages that he has for us, as
well as the privilege and joy of being a blessing to someone else.
Talking with God. If you don't know how to talk with God, follow the
example set forth in the Disciples' Prayer (often called the Lord's
Prayer; Matthew 6:9ff), which the context shows to be a daily
prayer.
Thank God for his goodness, for his mercy, for him being your
Father. Understand that he is worthy of your complete trust. Ask
that his will would be done in your life. Ask him for your needs.
Ask him for forgiveness for your going astray and not listening to
him. Ask forgiveness for your treatment of others.
Ask for his protection against temptations and whatever strong
feelings come your way. Close your prayer again with praise and
thankfulness. Whatever you ask of God the Father, ask in the name of
Jesus Christ (John 15:16).
The Word of God. Experience the benefits of obedience to Christ. To
do this, we must be familiar with his Word. Start by reading the
book of John in the New Testament. Then try reading one of Paul's
letters, such as the book of Ephesians. As you begin to study God's
Word, start by asking him to reveal to you what you need to hear
from it.
The Bible will be your road map to a new life. Use it and study it.
Set aside time every day for prayer and Bible study. God is
faithful. Do your part, and he will do his. Reading his Word will
allow you to grow closer to him day by day.
God created you for a purpose, and is able to bring wholeness, a
sense of rightness, and fulfillment to your life. And he is the only
one who can accomplish that full depth of transformation. Allow God
the opportunity to enter your life. Receive his forgiveness. Know
his love.
The following is a suggested prayer (the words aren't as important
as is the attitude of your heart):
God, I confess my sin to you. Thank you Jesus, for taking all
of my sin upon yourself on the cross. I want to receive your
forgiveness. I want to enter into a relationship with you. I ask you
to come into my life right now. I want you to make me into the
person you created me to be.
If you have just asked him into your life, we would like to send you
helpful information about the depth of God's love for you.
THERE IS HOPE
"If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone,
the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
---
To subscribe, send mail to subscribe-other-side@XC.Org
Account2:
==============
Friends,
Homosexuals always try to tell us they are born that way and can
never change. That is why the recent articles in Newsweek and other
major magazines that tell the story of Ann and John Paulk have
created such a stir. Hear it from them. Thanks again to John Quayle
for sending these along. John's story to follow seperately.
Mark
==================BEGIN FORWARDED MESSAGE==================
THE OTHER WAY OUT
Homosexuality is one of the most controversial topics of our day.
Its causes have been debated and people wonder, "Can the homosexual
be changed?" According to many, the answer is no. But . . . is
it possible to change one's sexual orientation? This article gives
the true stories of a man and woman whose lives speak to this
intensely important yet highly delicate subject.
Secure in My Feminine Identity
by Anne Paulk
I grew up as a classic tomboy, mostly playing cowboys and Indians or
cops and robbers. When I was about four-years old, an event happened
which profoundly shook my inner security. A teenage boy approached
me sexually, then warned me not to tell my parents. I never said a
word, fearful that we'd both get into big trouble. This silence left
me to reap a lot of self-inflicted pain, and the whole incident only
reinforced my tomboy image. I didn't feel protected or valued as a
girl.
I also craved special affirmation as a girl from my dad, but
couldn't tell him why. For years I believed lies about myself, God
and men. And the sexual experience (when I was four)kept me from
embracing femininity which, to me, meant being weak and vulnerable.
Then I found myself having crushes on some of my girlfriends. I was
talented in athletics, so I joined the softball team in high school,
but continued to avoid most feminine activities. I didn't feel
pretty or lovable.
At church, the youth group seemed shallow. I felt disappointed that
everyone behaved just like the non-Christian kids at school, and I
became disillusioned. Soon I discarded church altogether, and began
getting into wild behavior: drinking, dating three boys at one time,
and eventually exploring homosexual relationships.
Then I went to college and met Sara. She seemed so confident and
strong as a woman. Men adored her, but they only seemed to ridicule
and use me. It was then, in early 1982, I realized my feelings for
Sara were sexual. So I decided to look up an old boyfriend to test"
my orientation. Although he was a nice guy, I felt no attraction to
him. After that, I decided to pursue my attractions for women. At
the suggestion of a gay counselor, I joined the college gay/lesbian
group.
But during one of those meetings, I had a piercing thought, "There
really is something wrong with this lifestyle." I was heartbroken by
the words that shattered my dreams of finding happiness with a
female life- partner. After the meeting, I went home and cried.
"God," I prayed, "please show me who you are, and fill the void in
my heart."
After that prayer, I began experiencing a new hunger to know Jesus
Christ. Within six months, I made a firm decision to forsake
homosexuality and follow him. But, unfortunately, none of the
leaders on campus or at church knew how to give me hope that my
sexual attraction for women would change. My commitment to Christ,
however, enabled me to persevere in the face of this discouragement.
I immersed myself in Christian activity, although the homosexual
attractions never went away.
Eventually I fell into a sexual relationship with Laura, a Christian
girlfriend who, like me, struggled with lesbianism. Laura and I
looked to each other for emotional fulfillment. At first, it seemed
like many of my childhood dreams were being fulfilled through our
relationship. But along with some satisfaction came conviction,
deception and emotional instability. Laura became my top priority
over work, family and friends. Many areas in our lives suffered as a
result. Laura even battled with suicidal thoughts. Then Laura and I
tried to remain friends, but stop the sexual part of our
relationship. But it never worked, because we never addressed the
underlying issues.
Finally, after three months of resisting God, I said a very honest
prayer: "Lord, you know that I really enjoy this lifestyle, but I
want you to be my first love. I need your help. I need you to change
my heart." This prayer marked a major turning point in my life.
Shortly after my prayer, Laura and I had dinner with a Christian
woman who was a former lesbian. She listened to our story and our
questions, and through her we made contact with a Christian
ministry solely devoted to helping people overcome homosexuality.
The people loved us and cared for us, and eventually Laura and I
agreed to give our relationship to God and avoid all contact with
each other.
Though angry and frustrated over the break-up with Laura, I
continued going to the ministry's meetings for the next 18 months.
The insights I gained there were incredibly valuable. I learned how
to look for patterns in my same-sex attractions, so I could
understand the underlying needs which sparked the temptations in the
first place.
I continued to grow in my relationship with God, and eventually I
realized that something had changed deep inside of me. God changed
my sexual identity from ex-gay to godly woman. I was learning that
God loved me with a gentle delight, especially when I relied on his
strength.
During this time, I found myself having new interest in men, and
began spending time with them in group situations. Then, in mid-
1991, I began dating John, a man in my church who like me had come
out of homosexuality. On December 31, 1991, he presented me with a
ring and asked me to marry him. We were married the following
July. I kept looking happily at the ring, thinking, "Wow! Me
married!" I was filled with joy as God established something so
beautiful and holy in our lives.
Since then, God has used John to comfort me and to confront areas of
distrust in my life. This has been difficult, but the Lord has been
faithful to fulfill his promise to heal, even when the process is
uncomfortable. I am so glad that my Father took the time to unearth
the hurts that held me back from growing into godly femininity. Now
I don't need to compare myself to other women and don't seek to gain
femininity from them through emotional dependency or homosexual
relationships. My identity is secure as a woman because I know
Christ.
===================END FORWARDED MESSAGE===================
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