To: en & others
From: Su Min
Subject: Mistake (b)!

Dear children, We read on in the book of proverbs before continuing at Genesis 16:4-16. The parallel advice to women in the book of proverbs is interesting and educational: not about sex but the word of God advises 6 times about disgraceful grumpy women.

• Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is decay in his bones
  
• Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down
  
• Proverbs 17:1 Better a dry crust with peace and quiet, than a house full of feasting with strife
  
• Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and finds favour from the Lord.
  
• Proverbs 19: 13, 14 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
  
• Proverbs 20:6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
  
• Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife
  
• Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife
  
• Proverbs 26:25 Better to live on the corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife
  
• Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand
  
• Proverbs 31:10 A wife of noble character who can find. She is worth far more than rubies. 31:28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
  

The book of proverbs voices at least eight warnings to men about adultery, and six warnings about a disgraceful, foolish, quarrelsome, nagging, ill tempered wife (one made quarrelsome by lack of affection)! Men want sex and if they are not satisfied they tend to look for sex beyond the home. It takes only an understanding of simple psychology and human relationship to identify why a woman becomes quarrelsome, nagging and ill tempered. It is simply when her emotional needs are not met that she becomes so. Wives need their husbands to talk to them much more than most husbands understand. Woman have generally twice the need for words than men do. When a woman's hunger for love and affection are not met, she starts to grumble and nag.

It would seem that the sexual needs of men and the emotional needs of women are well reflected in the book of proverbs. It would seem that many men are like cactus plants in the Garden of Eden, requiring much sunshine (sex) but little water (affection). Contrariwise, many women are like the Water lily, requiring lots of water (affection) but not too much sunshine. Friction comes because the priorities of men's needs differ from the priorities of women's needs. Husbands and wives need to take the effort to discover their differing needs and need to work on ways of meeting these differing needs. This philosophy is reflected in my Grow A Good Marriage Project.

Back to Genesis 16. What does wife number two do when she finds she is pregnant and carrying the heir to the family fortunes? She becomes arrogant and cocky (Gen 16:4b). Sarai complains, blaming Abram for all the insults and scorn heaped upon her by her erstwhile slave, now bedmate of Abram, by Sarai's own offer! Abram again fails in his duty. He fails to mete out good justice. He fails to mediate between Sarai and Hagar. Instead he instructs Sarai to "fry" Hagar (Gen 16:6). So bitter is the treatment that Hagar runs away.

The angel of the Lord goes to Hagar in the desert, comforts her, (so too does God Who Sees Me watch over us and follow us out into the desert when we run and hide from our troubles, he finds us and comforts us, thank you Father!), he instructs her to return home, and promises that the child she bears, Ishmael (God hears) will be great, a man of strength and daring and ferocious disposition (the wild donkey Gen 16:12) and the father of a great nation, the Bedouins. If we look at the Arab- Israeli confrontation of today, we see the present day results of the "human" solution that Sarai and Abram begat, in error. "There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death".

Let us close in prayer:

Almighty God, God Most High, God of Abram, God of Abraham, God Who Sees Me in my every situation happy or sad,
We praise you God, because you are worthy to be praised.
We thank you God, for presenting us with Your Word, that we may learn from it,
and learn of your will in our lives.
Thank you for today's reading which helps us see the power of sex and how abuse can lead to destruction. And yes Lord, we thank you for letting us see that in spite of all the mistakes we make, you still see us, you still seek us, you still love us, you still protect us. Indeed your word in Romans 5:8 says "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
We thank you in the name of Jesus.
Amen!

love dad

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For any comments or enquiries please write to Dr. Lim Su Min

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